Feeling Catholic

Weeks back I got a glance from my father-in-law (it was over why I didn't get excited about the rosary or something...can't remember exactly) that brings back some feelings that I still carry to this day.

I'm catholic thru and thru. If catholics bled green, you'd see green running through my vains. However (and this is a big however), I am a stoic catholic. I don't get excited or get feelings for all the catholic stuff. Whether it be praying the rosary, lent, being a part of a novena, or anything like that. I can't seem to manufacture any genuine feelings toward it. I believe in them and I am aware the importance they have in the life of a catholic, but I just can't seem to "get into it" for lack of a better term. And it's always followed with guilt. Then I start questioning why in the world I don't feel anything? Do I really believe it? It's a vicious cycle.

I can't remember where I read or heard this but it reminds of something I heard in a movie that said "If you build it, they will come". Some baseball movie. Anyways, it made me think of my own saying that goes "If you do it, the feelings will come". So mostly, I do much of the catholic traditions out of a sense of duty with hopes that the feelings will come. Slowly, they are starting to come.

Guilt-Full Church

I was at a restaurant today, and the couple behind me were discussing (fairly loudly) things about the catholic church. The one thing they agreed on was that it was a guilt ridden church. They hated how the priest, or other catholics, or even the faith in general makes them feel guilty about their life.

Is this a general idea of followers? Do people really feel that the Catholic church. is a guilt-full church?

Guilt is supposed to serve as a useful means to get us to repent and ponder over our actions. Too much guilt and no guilt can have dire consequences. It’s got its place, but like other feelings, it can also lead you down a slippery path.

To give you a classic example of a man who took guilt too far, read up on Martin Luther’s life. He couldn’t tolerate the uncertainty of hard work and that the sacraments could do anything to save him. The man just didn’t believe anything man could possibly devise was ever enough to satisfy God (hence, his modified view of salvation). He was right about man not ever being able to do enough, but wrong about the sacraments.

Only a supernatural act (sacrifice) can heal a supernatural wound (the fall of man). And it’s more then just something you do, but something you need to believe in. Otherwise, you can literally drive yourself nuts.

I happen to have experienced both; not feeling any guilt, to then feeling it to the point of not even believing forgiveness actually does something to you. In both situations, it affected me negatively.

Why should I be Catholic?

I figured it was only fitting to start with this question.

I understand that the Catholic church is the first church, but that in and of itself i do not think is enough of a reason to believe in it. With as much as the Catholic church has changed over the years it could not have always been correct in doctrine.

There are many things about the Catholic church that i do not understand and i am seeking a deeper understanding on the main points of Catholicism such as the sacraments, rosarie (spelling?), and the communion of the saints, ect...

Well, I’m going to try to keep this as short as I can. I won’t be covering the sacraments, rosary, communion of saints, etc. I couldn’t possibly do them justice in this post. I will though, cover your initial observation you made about the Catholic Church being first and changing over the years. I’m going to go out on limb and try something new and unique for a change. Hopefully it goes well.

One of the most difficult shifts for me coming into the Catholic Church was not the doctrines (that came later), but rather the world view and presuppositions/bias that come with it. Imagine belief like a lever (bare with me as I attempt to make a point), once pulled, moves everything else in a person’s life. Are you a Liberal? A doctor? A bigot? Or how about a serial killer? These are all merely species of belief in action. Your beliefs define your vision of the world; they are the very fabric of your behavior; they determine your emotional responses to other human beings. If you doubt this, consider your perception and experience with the world would suddenly change if you came to believe one of the following:

1. You only have two weeks to live
2. The orange juice in your fridge makes you invisible
3. You’ve just won the lottery

These are mere words, until you believe them. Once believed they become part of the very apparatus of your mind, determining and altering your desires, fears, interpretations, and behavior.

Now the same applies with how you approach the Bible and Christianity as a whole. Let me give you an example. It is a common held belief in non-Catholic Christian denominations that the People of God (the Church) are a people of a book (The Bible). Now approaching the Bible with such a thing in mind completely alters how you may interpret the very verses you read. Most verses dealing with men being given authority (like the Apostles and those who followed) will either be completely ignored or minimized. To take them too serious would lean to the understanding that the People of God aren’t just a people of a book, but also of a living authority.

This is just one example that can make or break a person. Obviously there are varying degrees in which people might place importance into a verse. But the underlying biases, presuppositions, world view, completely can change how you interpret verses in the Bible.

You’re probably thinking “Ok, Victor that’s sounds wonderful but what does that have to do with the Catholic Church as it relates to my questions?” Well, in my research and experience I have come to find out that everybody has a bias, presuppositions, beliefs, world view, etc. Once you come to realize this, then it’s not about eradicating it but instead coming to embrace one. Now you’re probably thinking “So you said all that just to tell me that both you and I have a bias, presuppositions, and all that? And that we shouldn’t get rid of it?” Hold your horses! Not done yet. What I’m saying is that the question has never been about eradicating your bias, presuppositions, world view, beliefs, etc. because as I showed above that not only can you not get rid of it, but having unhealthy biases/beliefs/presuppositions etc. can make the world of difference. The beauty of all this is that God left us with His own bias/presuppositions/world view to have it become the very apparatus of your mind. In the Catholic Church we call this Holy Tradition. It comes to us in written form (The Bible) and oral form (The Canon, councils, etc.). Both are crucial and this is undoubtedly how the early Christians formed their consciousness.

These men believed in such things as Mary being sinless, they had bishops, they believed in oral Tradition being protected by Holy Spirit, and a myriad of other beliefs. Now what do you think would happen if you cut off all these facts from a group of Christians? I’ll tell you what happens, you get 33,000 different denominations. So it’s never been just about it being first, but about it practically (with the exception of Eastern Orthodox) being alone in mirroring the very early Christians. Do you think your interpretation of the Bible would change if:

1. You knew early Christians baptized infants.
2. Christians didn’t have an assembled Bible until 397 AD.
3. Christians saw Mary as sinless.

This is just one of many. But I hope I got the point across. I’ll cover your other observation (Catholic Church changing) on my next post.

Staying true to blog

From the onset of this blog I had planned to write about my life and my experience/knowledge of all things religious. At this point, it’s been almost exclusively about my life and almost nothing about the religious side of it. That’s going to change soon.

I’ve posted thousands of posts on various forums over the years that I can fill this blog up for years on my thoughts on religion. Most of them consist of defending my catholic faith and religion in general. Others are social issues that are connected to politics and Catholicism.

It’s important to note that I am by no means a theologian or even an apologist. I have no formal training in the science of Catholicism. Simply put, it’s very possible that I can misrepresent catholic theology. This will be as much of a learning experience for me as it will be for those who read my blog.

At any rate, I hope you both enjoy and contribute to the posts that are to come.

Bene rem gere!

Sick for a month

I’ve been sick for over a month now. It started off with a cough and it developed into pneumonia and a visit to the hospital. This probably goes back even further then one month; since the beginning of this year I’ve had numerous allergy attacks coupled with mild asthma (which I didn’t even know I had). I’m fairly certain my immune system has taken a beating this year. Which probably explains why something as simple as not putting on a sweater on a cold night (which I’ve done thousands of times) will now, take its tow on me.

It’s been a humbling experience…

My doctor has more tests he wants run on me; specifically one that will measure the amount of acid my stomach produces. Apparently acid not only travels back up the esophagus, but it can end up inside your lungs which causes all sorts of problems like that ones I’m experiencing.

Hopefully everything turns out fine and he gets to the bottom of it all. Either way, this will require a life change for me. Everything from being aware that I can’t be close to certain grasses to putting on a sweater at night.

Death Week

What a week this has been! A friend and co-worker died this Tuesday from a hard fight with pancreatic cancer. He was 39 and left behind his wife and 5 kids.

Kai will be sorely missed. It was an absolute pleasure to have developed a relationship with him in areas we both were passionate about……sports, our family, and just the usual trash talk. He had the heart and competitive nature of a warrior. He was so unselfish and would always seek fairness even if it meant a loss for him. It always meant so much more when he did it, simply because he was so competitive. It warmed my heart to have seen the people in production love and respect Kai. That speaks volumes of Kai.

May he rest in peace.

On another note, two actors have died today and one died yesterday. It’s death week!

The first was Ed Mcmahon who was best known as Johnny Carson's sidekick on The Tonight Show. Never really watched any of his material but he seems to have been well known. He died at 86. I’m a happy man if I make to that age.

The second was Farrah Fawcett who was best known for “Charlie’s Angels” and consumer product commercials. She died at the age of 62 of anal cancer.

Lastly, the legendary Michael Jackson died at the age of 50 at 12:29pm today. No need to expound on his resume. He will go down as the best pop star ever.

All this death really brings to light just how fragile human life is. A small clutter of molecules can bring down a species that invented airplanes, rockets, and nuclear weapons.

More importantly it reminds me just how much one needs to invest in the relationships you have with the people you love. In the end, that’s the only thing you’ll care about in your death bed.

Dominic Dancing

Dominic getting creative with his dancing:

Candles and Prayer

A week ago I got the idea of really embracing the symbolism in Catholicism. Actually, it’s more then just embracing it, but living it. As a start, I bought a candle wrapped with a picture of Christ. The idea was to have it be a tool for prayer.

Of course, there is nothing innovative about this at all. In most of the ancient [and modern] world it has been the natural language of mystical expression. In fact, Catholicism more then likely borrowed this practice from ancient Egypt.

At any rate, it’s been very effective in getting the kids more active in their prayer life. I start off by lighting the candle, followed by a “In the name of the Father…” and then circulate the candle as your turn comes up to pray. The candle seems to help them focus more and give it more of a mystical feeling to it. When it reaches the last person (me), it’s ended with and “amen” and we kiss and hug each other good night.

It’s a good tool for families who either want to improve on there prayer life or simply want something that works well with kids.

Rough Week

It was a rough week. With Jojo breaking his arm in two and Sonia getting an abscess on her gums causing her to get her tooth removed; we didn’t get much sleep.

Jojo fell from grandpa’s Toyota Tundra and his whole weight landed on his left arm. He cried for hours. He did well in the emergency room though. They put a temporary cast on until the swelling would subdue. The days that followed were full of cries because he either moved and it caused pain or it would itch like crazy. A week later it was followed by a clinic visit and he was happy to get a blue cast.

Sonia’s dilemma was a bit more frustrating only because we didn’t know what was wrong with her. Whenever she did manage to stop crying because of the pain, she would simply say her teeth hurt. Evelyn figured it was a cavity but I was really doubtful that her constant pain was a cavity. Cavity pain comes and goes and I just wasn’t convinced a 3 year olds teeth had gotten so bad so quickly as to cause such pain. The motrin we would give her seemed to do little to stop the pain.

A couple days later, we took her to the dentist and they found an abscess on her gums. You could see it as clear as day but we both hadn’t seen it the previous day; so it must have grown over night. They took the tooth out that day. They might have to take more out but they don’t know yet.

Hopefully, next week goes better.

Lukewarm

I've been feeling lukewarm lately. Prayer life has been horrible and I've been neglecting anything spiritual.

I do read catholic literature and pray from time to time, but it feels dull and dry. I haven't had the energy to fight off any old habits or to improve in areas I know I must. I need a reboot or something to get me back on track.

I need to go to confession and pray.