Thursday, December 10, 2009

Feeling Catholic

Weeks back I got a glance from my father-in-law (it was over why I didn't get excited about the rosary or something...can't remember exactly) that brings back some feelings that I still carry to this day.

I'm catholic thru and thru. If catholics bled green, you'd see green running through my vains. However (and this is a big however), I am a stoic catholic. I don't get excited or get feelings for all the catholic stuff. Whether it be praying the rosary, lent, being a part of a novena, or anything like that. I can't seem to manufacture any genuine feelings toward it. I believe in them and I am aware the importance they have in the life of a catholic, but I just can't seem to "get into it" for lack of a better term. And it's always followed with guilt. Then I start questioning why in the world I don't feel anything? Do I really believe it? It's a vicious cycle.

I can't remember where I read or heard this but it reminds of something I heard in a movie that said "If you build it, they will come". Some baseball movie. Anyways, it made me think of my own saying that goes "If you do it, the feelings will come". So mostly, I do much of the catholic traditions out of a sense of duty with hopes that the feelings will come. Slowly, they are starting to come.

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